Death, Connection, Unity & Love


Death is just so final. No matter how you look at it, it really is the end of a life. How we deal with it comes from experiencing it and the closer the connection is, the more real the ‘dealing’ is. The flip side for me from the pain and grief of death is the unity and love that results - if we let it. 

I remember when my grandmother passed many years ago, wondering how everyone I saw around me could just continue going about their business, when I felt so hollow and bewildered. It wasn’t so much of a shock when she died, I guess I’d been grieving anyway through her illness and I knew death was inevitable under the circumstances, but it was more the finality and loss that were just so very palpable. I wanted to shout out to the world, “How can you keep going, doing what you are doing as though nothing has changed?” “Don’t you know Melva has just died?” My world had been hit with a huge PAUSE button. When would PLAY go again? It was as if everything had changed and yet nothing had changed. This was my first really conscious close-at-hand experience of death and maybe it was because I’d been so present leading up to her death, witnessing her suffering, sharing her breath, that I was deeply immersed within a whole lot of emotions that I didn’t know how to process. I don’t remember much of her funeral, but I do remember the undertakers who took her lifeless body away, and that they left a beautiful red rose on the pillow where her body had lain. That resonated and moved me as she loved roses, and whilst the cynic in me said it’s probably what they always do, and screamed “unfair trade - a body for a rose”, the loving soul in me felt touched and connected to a space that had been so filled with Melva-ness, gratitude and love, and was now so empty and bare. I have held this memory with love for the measure of reverence and care it engaged within me. The ‘pause’ button eventually shifted to ‘play’ and when I wear her ring I feel connected, united to family, and love.

Melva’s death also got me thinking more and more about what life means, especially what my life means. 

I wonder what will be said at my funeral. How will I be remembered? What will I leave behind? I figure if I live everyday true to myself, doing work that works for me and loving the life I live, then I will have lived well, authentically and be happy - maybe not always perfectly - but perfect is not my measure, my goals are. What is important to me is to live up to what I believe and that I live my best life as my best self. This is my ‘stuff’ and my potentialities and possibilities lie within them, if I am to fulfil my purpose. 

What will you leave behind? What will be said at your funeral? How will you be remembered?

I guess the real questions here are…

Who are you? and Who do you want to be remembered as being?

I know the more clarity I get around who I authentically am and how that affects what I do, the more I wake up to my potentialities and possibilities. I believe the same to be true for us all.

I invite you to consider

  • What’s really important to you? Is it gathering money, having experiences, loving and being loved or is it something else all together?

  • Are you living as you want to be? Does the connection between the way you are living and the way you want to be living, have unity?

Sit with your responses, listen to and hear the answers from within. Then take action - whatever that looks like so you can reach a place of acceptance and love. 

Then, I invite you to complete a task I find challenging (but illuminating and useful). Take some paper and a pen and find a place where you can be alone and undisturbed for a while and write your own eulogy through your eyes of love. Then read it to yourself and I hope you feel proud and loved.

If this task raises a red flag on your self-awareness, ie. desert like void, then you may benefit from completing the exercises in my book, You-phoria: The Art of Authenticity

Have a wonderful week and I’d love to hear from you in the comments below and thank you for your connection xxx

In unity and with love xxxG

Gina Haines4 Comments