The Rollercoaster of Life
This past week has been up and down. When you have big highs, you can have big lows too. Aaahhh the rollercoaster of life! And polarities - right? Up/down, big/small, black/white, in/out, right/wrong, positive/negative…
Here are the big highs from my week… On Wednesday last week I received fabulous news that my book You-phoria: The Art of Authenticity has recently been honoured as an award-winning finalist in the 2019 International Book Awards, for the Self-Help: Motivational category. Wooohooo!!! YAY! Fantastic and absolutely a BIG high and cause for celebration! :) Shameless plug - you can get your limited first edition copy here… https://ginahaines.com/store/you-phoria-the-art-of-authenticity
Wednesday evening we hosted dinner for 13. The company was superb, food was divine, especially the berry ice-cream cake and coulis - mmmm delicious! Another cause for celebration! :)
Thursday - dancing and working :)
Friday - working :)
Saturday was my Mum’s birthday and we had a celebration dinner for 10 of us - again superb company, divine food, loads of fun and laughter and another cause for celebration - especially for Mum :)
Sunday my daughter Ballantyne had her first singing concert in 12 years at the Fo Guang Shan Buddhist Temple during their Chocolatte festival. She was amazing! Another cause for celebration :)
Monday arrives and I ask - so, what’s next????
Here’s the beginning of the lows…
The beginning of the slippery slide down the slope of … so, what’s next?
Let me take you through what happened for me.
I am project driven. I love to immerse myself in the now with an eye on the future. I love to pour myself into a project that excites me - right up to my armpits!
Once one project is finished I’m ready and looking for the next one. Yes, I can celebrate in the moment and a bit beyond (there’s no question there!) but in my heart I am fired up and ready to march forward onto the next one.
I’ve discovered that what I need to work at, is stopping to soak up the joy of what’s been a delicious moment in the sun. Learning to bask and get still in the calm of the glow.
Lingering in the feeling is important.
I guess I would say I’m not a natural lingerer! I’m a mover! And a groover! ;) But, really I know that lingering in the highs is important as is lingering in the lows.
If I don’t linger I miss the opportunity to feel the outcome. I mean really FEEL it. Hand on heart, dropping into the feeling that associates to pleasure or pain and connecting to the feeling in my heart, is my way forward to self-love. If I don’t allow myself to pause here, then I blanket the feeling and gloss over it. Good or not. Step 4 of my 5-step process to Authentic Self-being and Happiness is acceptance. This step is a bridge to love. If I can not allow myself to accept the good, then love is elusive. So reminding myself to linger in the feeling of the good before I set off again was where I was on Monday.
Spoiler alert… A big low is coming… I was asked through tears and sadness by someone very close to me - What’s the point of it all? My instant reaction is to hug the person then help to pull it together, get them back on track, box forward, get moving again… … ie. not linger in the moment. Why is this my go-to response? Well, primarily I like to be positive and maintain harmony, and I love this person and don’t like seeing them hurting, but I had to check myself and remind myself to pause for the lingering, to hold the space with them and allow the feeling to sit, for as long as it took, until they could accept it, and move beyond it. Accepting the feeling meant they could then move toward love (Step 5). In this instance it was shared acceptance, a shared bridge. (Remember Step 4 is acceptance).
On reflection, we dealt with the negative feeling in a positive way - even though it was tough and gritty and it hurt and felt raw. We did it and then we shifted the energy and put on some music and danced to uplift and shift our state, and get back on track again. (Music and dancing are great state shifters for me. Being aware of and knowing what you can do to shift your state is a great tool to call on when you need it.)
I find myself wondering and asking the question, how long is long enough to linger? Awareness cues and communication gave me my response here. Reading the energy and assessing the situation helped as well. When we had processed what each of us felt, we were in a place we could move on from. In my experience, over-lingering or staying for too long in one feeling can lead to finding yourself stuck and unable to move forward. If this happens for you, then I recommend you find a professional to talk with as getting ‘stuck’ long term can lead toward, or down, a spiral of negativity that requires specific attention.
You may be wondering what my response to the initial question was? Well, after pulling myself up and checking myself away from immediately responding with a ‘move on’ kind of remark (I used the first 3 steps of my 5-step process - awareness, knowledge and choice/action to do this), I practised lingering, and as we shared the space together, and in time, I responded that the point of it all is the point.
Whatever you choose to make the point is the point. So, if you choose to focus on the positive then that is the point. If you choose to focus on the negative then that is the point. Whatever you select to focus on is the point.
I really think it is that simple. At least from a thinking perspective, that is.
Feeling is where it gets more complicated. For me anyway. I am learning to practise lingering in the feeling more and more. It’s important. Not because I want to sit in victimhood, or to wallow in feeling sorry for myself, or to snarl or lash out in anger, or to stagnate in sadness, or to gloat in glee, or to prance a Pollyanna dance, or to sing a glory song… none of these things… I want to BE me, the real me - where I can thrive with my thoughts, feelings, vulnerability and courage as I work through the polarities of being a human. Balanced and unblocked.
Communicating with who you are at your core is unveiling the heart of who you are. Fully expressed, vibrant, the complete kaleidoscope of your being.
So I’m curious, how are you at lingering?
When a feeling - good or bad washes over you, are you…
Comfortable to sit with it and allow it to fully be expressed?
Quick to box through it and move straight on to the next one - overlooking its depth and skipping past its full expression?
Or an over-lingerer - staying for too long in one feeling and finding yourself stuck?
Or do you respond differently? And if so, how?
What are some ways you shift the state when you decide to move on?
I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments below.
I hope you have a wonderful week xxG